Flirting in Korea

For most of my time in Korea, I remained cocooned in an international bubble of foreign students.; however I had interacted with Korean guys on several occasions, which kind of gave me the gist of how flirting worked there. Maybe it was just the particular guys that I talked to, but I always thought that Koreans had the strangest ways of showing that they were attracted to you. That is not to say that Korean guys have no game, they absolutely do, its just that they tend to be partial towards Bingo while I was more of a Tetris kind of girl.

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                                                                              Ohhh Yeah.

The first Korean guy I made acquaintance with was an officer who was performing his mandatory military duties while simultaneously completing his bachelor's degree. He was a friend of my roommate's and the three of us had dinner together while chatting up a storm. We talked about mostly mundane things, including my experiences in Korea so far, and his hatred for all things Japanese after World War II (Sorry, Japan). But one of the things that really stood out in my mind was when he casually mentioned that he recently purchased his own apartment. Considering that I never came close to being able to afford more than a single room before, I was appropriately impressed. He then followed the statement by proudly announcing that he could cook and clean his own apartment like a pro. Both declarations were so out of context that I couldn't think of what to say besides "Oh, Okay", followed by an awkward shifting of eyes and a tumbleweed blowing across the room. It was only after we left that my roommate told me that he was obviously into me.

"How could you tell?!" I believe, was my indignant response.

She explained to me that one of the ways Korean guys flirted was by showing off their many accomplishments. In the officer's case, it was his ability to own property, as well as his notable homemaking skills. Interesting side note, I cannot cook and I am quite possibly the messiest person alive. I mentioned this to my roomie, and she said that if I brought that up just now,  the officer probably  would have offered to cook for me. Unfortunately, I was more tempted by the idea of free food than gaining an attractive cooking, cleaning boyfriend, so it didn't really work out in the end.

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           My one true love.

Another one of these incidents happened in a club. Yes, I realize that guys at clubs are about as trustworthy as dingoes are with babies, but it turns out that clubbers were not that much better at the flirting game either. Having fallen asleep at the bar while waiting for my friends, I was woken up by a guy who looked like he would have fit seamlessly in a Kpop idol group. He proceeded to introduce me to, I kid you not, his group of equally attractive Kpop idol-esque friends, who were all standing in a semi-circle around me offering me snacks. For five glorious minutes, I was trust into the lead female role of every K-Drama ever.

Kpop guy offered to buy me a drink, before asking me if I wanted to go somewhere more private. We went into a dark corner by the streets, where he proceeded to shower me with the strangest compliments I had ever heard in my life. He started by telling me that I was his ideal type, which I thought was very sweet, but then he threw in a strange compliment about my tiny waist. But hey, guys like slim waists, right? Finally, he rounded the whole conversation off by admiring how small my face was, emphasizing the statement by making a fist with the hand that wasn't already holding my ideally tiny waist. I'm not sure why the hand gesture was necessary, considering my head couldn't possibly be smaller than his fist. He proceeded to hug me several times in a wistful sort of way, probably realizing a relationship with someone who could barely speak Korean was not going to work no matter how physically perfect he thought I was, before we parted ways.

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Like this, but with less people and less angst.

And that is how Korean guys flirt.
In Malaysia, flirting is an epic event to witness, an absolute miracle to behold. In fact, one of the most incredible aspects of Malaysian dating is the fact that we don't flirt......At all.

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          Surprise!

When it comes to dating in Malaysia, guys are generally the initiators. Meanwhile our society dictates that girls do not assume interest until it is vocally expressed by the guy, and in a generation where everyone is deathly afraid of rejection, flirting is carried out with the delicacy and precision of two ballet dancers performing on a bed of knife tips while balancing a dozen china plates on their heads. If a guy is attracted to a girl, he usually establishes contact via frequent texting. Once they are more comfortable with each other, the guy may proceed to ask the girl if she wants to have lunch or catch a movie.

Depending on whether or not she is interested, the girl may respond favourably or not, but here is where it gets complicated. If the girl feels that the guy is coming onto her too soon, or if she senses that he is just jerking her around, she will probably keep her distance out of self-interest or simply because she has no interest. The problem is, the guy has no idea which is it, and she's not about to admit to being interested in him, in the event that he is just looking to score a little action. So the guy has two choices: He can either give up, or continue pursuing her with a dogged determination. If he chooses the latter, the girl can either succumb to his charms, thus allowing a relationship to blossom and develop, or if she is not actually interested, think up increasingly creative ways to refuse his every invitation to coffee and a movie. At no point of this stage do the pair kiss, hold hands or hook up. Even most compliments are off limits.

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          Pictured: Couple's first date.

And just in case you thought that the guy should avoid waddling into such treacherous waters by looking for another fish in the ocean, remember that the majority of Malaysian female fish operate within these unwritten laws and social cues. Unless they are content with remaining the sidelines of the dating game on the off chance that a curious fish might approach them first, good luck casting a hook!

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                                                                       Sorry for all the fish analogies, by the way.